Wishes are for Children
by rantdom
Summary: "Mr. Mellark, Miss Everdeen" President Snow greet them with a smile,"I have an offer for you, think carefully or you can lose a lot of thing,". AU.


_Warning: I am not a native english speaker, I've tried my best but there might be grammatical errors, wrong choices of words and typos._

_Disclaimer: Hunger Games is a property of Suzanne Collins. Everything you know, isn't mine._

* * *

There was a humming sound, whirring machine. They were in a room and it's dark, but not so dark. The curtain was closed, but there was enough light, came from the dim lamp in the bedside table, casting shadows over them. Two people, facing each other in front of a bed and the only thing that can be seen from them are the naked curves of a man and a woman.

"Katniss ... " the man whispered slowly, his voice sounded so young still, a young man, just a boy, "please tell me, we do not have to do this," he pleaded.

" I can't, "the woman answered, not a woman, just a girl.

"I know," the boy said softly. He raised a hand and touched her cheek as if he was wiping tears from her eyes, " I just wish -"

" Sss ... " the girl shushed, she touched the hand on her cheek with one small hand, but rough, after years of hard work to put food on the table,"wishes are for children and we are not children anymore," the girl paused for a little while and when she opened her mouth, her words came in whispers tinged with wonder, regret and sadness,"Sometimes, I think I never was,"

In that room, it's difficult to distinguish one from another, making the shadows of their clasped hands on her cheeks looked like one hand which was slowly moving down. Touching the girl 's mouth and chin and neck and then stopped right under her left clavicle, on top of her heart which was beating as fast as a galloping horse .

"Kiss me... " the girl whispered to the boy.

And then the boy kissed the girl, hugging her until the silhouettes of their bodies curved into one.

For the girl, there was no memory beyond that kiss, because everything else just faded into darkness.

* * *

The Victory Tour of 74th Hunger Games lasted for three weeks. The two victors were in the Capitol for a full week to attend a series of mysterious events, just the two of them. No escort, no prep teams, no stylists. Their mentor was sent back as soon as the official party on the first night ended. 'Government Duties', an official statement directly quoted from the president of Panem, was plastered all over Capitol's media. But, the majority of people in the whole Panem never know what 'government duties' entailed, except, of course, a select few of the richest man in Panem. Eventually, the two victors returned to their district, when the winter reached its peak, they were all big smiles, clasped hands and no comment. But, there was something there, in the way that their smile never reach their eyes or in the stiffness of their movement or in the way they clasped their hand around each others so tightly it seemed like it froze. There were cheers when they step down from the train, but everything, in a way, felt so empty.

There was a small welcoming party in the Major's house that night. Small party, but still boisterous and filled with the Capitol people, some of them didn't have anything better to do and traveled all the way from their home, some of them worked in the district: peacekeepers, government administrators, mine managers and supervisors. Those people drank wine until they fainted, laughed until the their tears flowed, ate until they vomited every single food out, and danced until they got dizzy.

Among all the hubbub and chaos, Peeta held Katniss's hand as they walked to the dance floor, their bodies are so close that they could feel each other's warm. Their eyes, however, were avoiding each others like the plague. In that moment, Katniss caught sight of Gale whom was invited as her cousin, leaning against the wall, holding a glass of wine and looked straight into her eyes, as if to draw their kiss in the woods before the victory tour with a mere stare.

Katniss stared at Gale for a few minutes. she wanted to say something to him, but since she couldn't she spelled every word with her gaze. _W-A-T-C-H_. Gale knew her more that everybody else, and she knew he would get the message.

Katniss then looked up, leaning toward Peeta and whispered in the boy's ear," Wait for me in your house before sunrise tomorrow," and kissed the corner of his lips .

From the corner of her eyes, she saw Gale left. She hoped Gale understood, their kiss in the forest three weeks ago was the only kiss they would ever share, and whatever feeling they had when their lips touched was meaningless. This she knew was the truth, at least for her.

* * *

The sun was still asleep when Katniss knocked on Peeta's door, she brought a thermos bottle full of hot water and a game bag filled with food, draped over her right shoulder.

Peeta opened the door after the second knock, it was still half closed when Katniss interrupted,"We're going to the woods. Wear gloves, jackets and boots - I 'll wait here , "

Peeta raised an eyebrow but decided to keep quiet. He went back and did what he was told. And after, he followed Katniss toward the electric fence. District 12 was fully surrounded by fence that separates the district from forest. Therefore, if they wanted to go to the woods, one didn't have to cross the Seam and the meadow. Victors village was located in the district's limit, and the electric fence towered behind the large houses. After searching for a while, they found a quite large gap near the bushes, large enough for both of them. Katniss leaned down and waiting for the humming of the electricity but as per usual, the fence was not electrified.

They must have been walking for at least an hour, passing hundreds of the snow covered trees, a few miles. It was cold and soon they were panting, their breaths evaporated in the air. Peeta wasn't so good with direction and followed blindly behind Katniss. She paused to take her bow hidden inside a tree. However, Peeta knew they didn't go to the woods to hunt. Reason number one, Katniss steps were to fast and to noisy. Reason number two, she would never took him hunting, he was to loud even when he was trying not to.

Eventually, the trees thinned, and suddenly in front of them there was a snow-covered meadow and in the middle, a frozen sea, an almost perfectly round lake. Sunlight peaked at the eastern horizon, playing a yellow light above blue surface. A sight worth immortalized in pencil strokes and touches of brush.

"Wow ... " Peeta said in awe, "I don't know," he chuckled, "you should have told me about this before. So I can bring my sketchbook," he waited a moment to hear Katniss's answer. But there was nothing but silence. Peeta frowned and turned his head, looking for the girl with the braid, "Katniss?"

Peeta saw Katniss walking towards a small cottage stood on the side of the lake and ran after her. The cottage was built with slats of woods, it looks old but still sturdy. Someone had been taking care of this place. Peeta peeked inside, empty, apart from a pile of firewood in the corner, blankets laid in front of the fireplace and Katniss who was trying to lit the fire in the fireplace.

Peeta entered the cottage just as the fire was lit. He smiled, "We should come here at spring time or summer. You have to take me to this place again so I can draw all of this,"

Katniss did not answer, she took of her jacket and scarf she wore and put it near the fireplace, then she stood up and turned to Peeta. She hesitated a moment, but eventually took firm steps toward the boy and stopped just a few inches in front of him. They were so close, Katniss could name every single gradation in Peeta's irises and could see her own reflection in his dilated pupils.

"Katniss?" Peeta was confused,"what exactly are we doing here?"

In response, Katniss pecked Peeta's lips once, "If they want a baby then we give them a baby, Peeta," she paused to kissed the tip of his lips and feel his irregular breath on her cheek, "in our own way."

Peeta freeze. All the things they had done, what they were doing, and what they would do were against all the principles he held. Life took him against his own heart. But, what is principles and morals againts death? As a human, they all have the instinct to live just another day, the instinct to protects those they love dearly.

There's something shifted in Katniss's eyes or maybe it wasn't shifted, she only showed what was always there but hidden or maybe he could only saw it then. So palpable, so clear. Despair. Her voice broken when she spoke,"I ... we have a choice, Peeta. There is always a choice. But, I can't. I choose Prim...," he could hear her sobbed, and something inside him was breaking,"so...I beg you ...please," she looked at him and she was crying,"I want you to understand. Do you understand?"

He did understand. He understood illusion of freedom, that was what she asked. She wanted to run away, she wanted to kill Snow, she wanted everything. But she couldn't, so she looked for other ways to get that sense of freedom, by creating an illusion, rebelling in the smallest forms, taking other means to an end, even if she didn't know it's real or not. She was an independent woman, she treasured her freedom, and when it was taken from her, she couldn't breath.

But, freedom is only in human mind, freedom is a relativity. He was always told what to do and so far he had obeyed: his mother, his family, his friends. His actions were shaped by others throughout his life. But, until now, his mind was always his own. When you love someone so hard, so deep, there was no you anymore because your mind and your thoughts become theirs, and people existed where their mind existed.

There was no question, whatever she asked he'd do, he'd bring the moon and he'd go to hell, he'd become her everything and nothing. There was only her, and at the moment, he loved her too much.

* * *

Peeta didn't see Katniss again until the snow melts and the flowers started to bloom. In the morning when Katniss knocked on his door, Peeta was dreaming about mutt children, tearing his legs off, and then everything that he is. He woke up paralyzed, and when finally he regained control over his body, he couldn't sleep again, the scene played over and over again. His mind was like a video player that automatically repeated the film.

In a lot ways, he was glad Katniss was there. But, in some ways, he couldn't stand to look at how tired and worn out she was, she was pale and her movements stiff, there were bags under her eyes. And there was something else, a thought, a voice, nagging in the back of his mind, something he knew was true but he couldn't face it. He waited for her. He always did, in every way.

She took him to the woods. They walked in silence, like before. Peeta tried to absorb everything, there's so much to see, so much to hear, so much to feel. So he watched the trees, the birds, the squirrels and the rabbits. He listen when the wind swept, the squirrels climbed, the leaves rustled, and the the birds whistled. He felt calm and peace.

When they arrived at the lake, Peeta chose to sit back under one of the trees and Katniss sat by the lake with her feet in the water. Peeta opened his sketch book and began to draw. The snow was gone, replaced by growing trees, blooming flowers, and flying insects. Time passed, he was so absorbed he couldn't feel it. Almost done, just a little more lines here and scratches there. He looked up again, but notice Katniss was missing. His mind alert, he looked for her thin figure and found her stood a few meters away from him, beside him, arms crossed in front of her chest .

Peeta smiled and reached out, "Sit with me,"

Katniss hesitated for a moment but she complied. Peeta showed her his drawing. An exact copy of what was in front of them except for the silhouette of a girl sitting on the edge of the lake and the calming atmosphere that was just his.

"I'm going to paint them when we get home. Adding color here and there. It would be more beautiful when I paint it," Peeta said cheerfully,"what do you think?"

Katniss took the sketch book from Peeta's hands and looked at the drawing for a moment,"I think it's beautiful," she said.

"I hope you didn't lie," Peeta chuckled,"why are we here, Katniss?" he asked.

There was silence for a while, but Katniss eventually replied," I'm pregnant," she whispered, dropping the bomb," I thought I should tell you in person, "

Peeta was not surprised, the nagging voice in the back of his mind was singing 'I told you so'. He just wanted Katniss to tell him when she's ready."Who else knows?" Peeta asked.

"Just you,"

"We have to tell Haymitch," Peeta said,"he would arrange everything for the Capitol. The sooner the better, but we have to tell our families first." Peeta waited for Katniss to answer. But Katniss just stared at the lake with a glazed gaze. He touched her hand to get her attention. Katniss did not react at first and Peeta squeezed her hand, this seemed to work as Katniss then looked down at their clasped hands.

Peeta said with a vague hint of desperation in his voice,"I don't know what to say, Katniss,"

"Don't say anything," Katniss brought their clasped hand to her lap,"Just listen, they are singing, the Mockingjays"

No birds were singing. In fact, it's so quite. But, Peeta saw a small smile forming on Katniss's lips and he could only stare.

* * *

A few months later, in the 75th Hunger Games, tributes of District 12 killed in the first day. One by sword. And the other, couldn't figured out how the purple belt worked, drowned. Their baby kicked so hard when two cannon fires echoed in the mentor's room. That night and every night since then, Katniss dreamed about a baby girl drowning in the arena of time .

The next day, they were herded back into the room with the dim light and whirring sounds of cameras. Where everything is nothing but shadows.

When they were finished, so sweaty and so dirty and they felt like crying in the dark, between them, their baby kicked.

* * *

Iris Mellark was born a month early, after long hours of hard labor, along with the fall of leaves in the dead of September. Her eyes were as blue as the Iris flowers, which she was named after. Her hair was the color of leaves before leaving its branch. Her skin as white as the snow in the winter. As pretty as Prim. So new, so fresh, so un-scarred.

When Katniss hold her for the first time, she did not know what to think or feel. Her mother had commented on how much Iris looked like Prim when she was a baby. She didn't remembered how Prim look when she was a baby, but an ice spread through her spine and she just felt so numb. There, in her arms, laid a life she had traded for Prims. Maybe as she grew, she'd look like Prim, maybe she'd have her laughs and her smiles, maybe they'd have the same tinkling star in their eyes. Maybe, in some of ways, she'd be Prim. Ironies were things you didn't know to laugh or cry over.

The spring after Iris's birth, Peeta and Prim planted Iris flowers in the yard of their house. And as it grew so was Iris. Iris was an early child. She said her first word and took her first step earlier than any other children her age. She's curious and bright. She wanted to know how to read and write before she was four. She loved to draw with Peeta or learned to play the piano with Madge or baking with the Mellarks. Prim read her the plant book, and Iris would sit in her lap and just listen.

President Snow asked for Iris to be brought to the Capitol each year and then being interviewed with her parents. Everyone loved her. She melt Mrs. Mellark's heart and all the Capitol's. It's so hard not to love her. A lovely child, a magnet to others just like Prim. Both of them were to much alike, it was like a torture to Katniss. She tried not to fond of the little girl, who brought Iris flowers to her in the morning and laughed,_"look mommy, it's me, I am a flower,"_ who hugged her and whispered in her ear, "_I love you , Mommy_," and kept doing that even though Katniss never answered, who begged her to sing lullabies before she slept. Often, there were hundreds of reasons to say no, and when she said the two letters, Iris would scowl, so much like her, and ask, "_why?" _but Peeta would pick up his little girl, throwing her to the air, she would laugh, and read her bedtime stories instead and Iris would forget. But on the same night, every night, Katniss would stand in the darkness of her daughter's bedroom, and just stared at her face for hours, whispering all the lullabies she could recall. Her chest tighten because of something she didn't want to know. Her hand reached for her daughter, but only caught the air. Something stopped her. She never dared to approach and touch her daughter or stroke her hair or caress the smooth skin of her face.

Katniss was trying not to love the little girl. But, she realized, she was simply in denial.

There was a wedding, a few weeks before the 79th Hunger Games. Iris was three and a half and she was the flower girl. Katniss did not remember a lot that day, everything was just so blurred. She remembered that it was so grand and luxurious. Capitol's style. It was held in one of the biggest building in Capitol, but inside it was made to replicate the meadow of District 12, with a few reconstruction for artistic purposes, but it was there, a remainder of home, a remainder of what they both have to lose. There were hundred of guests she didn't know, people who had to pay to be there. But there were friends and families, some of the other victors they grew close with, her family and Peeta's family. People they both could lose.

The Capitol had showered the districts with a little more grains and foods for a few years since her own games. Calming the districts, after all, the majority of the rebels were only starving people. And then there was the wedding, another distraction. It was all panem et circenses, bread and circuses. She was the capitol's circus, just a toy. She was a distraction, an example. She was the fire and the water. She was a fire in a vacuum state.

* * *

A name she knew was called for the 81th Hunger Games. It was Vick Hawthorne. She didn't know if it was manipulated or a simple gamble, just God working His way, fate, destiny. Nothing is strange that day, only a phone call from the Capitol to inform that Iris should be left in the District. But, maybe, there were strange things in normalcy. One obvious, others weren't. It was, after all, the start of something new. In that one second, after Vick Hawthorne name was called, there was silence, just like every other reapings. But in that one second, nothing would be the same. He's the spark who caught fire.

Vick Hawthorne was either brave or stupid, the two were only separated by a thin line, he spoke boldly and clearly of injustice during the interview, he reminded the nation of the children who died in vain and for nothing. He sparked something in the heart of the people of Panem. Hundred of miles away, hidden under the ground, District 13 was planning an attack.

For some unknown reasons, the Capitol's stupdity or maybe it's only God working His ways again, Vick Hawthorne was in the final two, facing a girl from district five. But he refused to kill. He didn't want what 16 years old Peeta Mellark didn't want, to be a pawn in their games, but between two of them, so far, only him who seized the opportunity. So, Vick Hawthorne raised his knife and stabbed his heart. When the cannon echoed, the spark had burned and spread like a wildfire.

The Capitol launched fire bombs to District 12, burning everything to ashes. But, for years, District 13 had worked its way from within. There were secret soldiers and agents, ready to fight. Other bombs were launched, some far away from District 13, some from inside the walls of the Capitol. And when District 12 burned, the Capitol burned with them. Snow was assassinated by his trusted people, district 13 agents disguised as government officials. District 13 used the surprise factor and flew in troops after troops from air and secret underground tunnels they have built. They took over the government. It was a one day battle, a one day war, but the price was still the same.

812 people of District 12 survived that day, including little Iris, Prim, Mrs. Everdeen and the Hawthornes. But, while the bombs were launched, all the mentors were trapped. Snow went mad, and before his death, he sent Peacekeepers, in white uniforms with guns, to the training center and they killed everything in their paths. They weren't human, they weren't peacekeepers, they were killing machines. It was a massacre. There were screams and guns and blood. Everything was red and the star-crossed lovers of District Twelve were found holding each other, laying in the floor, death.

* * *

_Thank you for reading. Reviews are very much appreciated._


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